As I watched, I found myself longing for my family to have space to engage with creation in the same way. I loved the simplicity and beauty of this scene. She laughed and danced joyfully, as she created music through sounds she heard and noticed in creation. The birds flitting and chirping, the burbling creek, the crackling leaves, the wispy clouds. She noticed all of the nature around her. It was a 10-minute scene where Anne was playing in the forest, and, like usual, she let her imagination run wild. One episode has specifically stuck with me. Have you seen the Netflix series Anne of Green Gables? My daughter and I have been watching it and are thoroughly enjoying the character development and beautiful plot line. I want them to lift up their eyes and notice what’s around them. I want them to see how empty our worldly pursuits are, and that it’s not about having the newest things or gaining the approval of others. In my reflecting, I identified that there are so many areas where I want them to open their eyes. In my recent sleepless nights, God was reminding me that my children are really His children, and that my job is to pray for them and trust Him. When they were toddlers it was over toys now that they are older, it’s over being misunderstood. For as long as I can remember, we have dealt with conflict and practiced trying to resolve it. On any given day, or in any given moment, there are two people playing or arguing in our house. Being around them so much has given me great joy, paired with frustration! Having six people in our home creates 30 different one-on-one relationships. The amount of emotions in our house in one day amazes me, especially during this COVID-19 stay-at-home order. These kids are fighting a world of expectation, hustle, and comparison. We have three teenage boys and one 12-year-old girl. It is beautiful, fulfilling, and incredibly hard. The first feeling I identified was my weariness in parenting. I practiced the exercise I wrote about earlier this year, identifying what I feel and comparing it to what I know to be true. Maybe God was talking to me somehow, and my part was taking the time to notice and identify what He was trying to say. The next morning, I was eager to write down what I was so anxious about to see if I could sort through any of it and find a theme. The third night, in particular, I was covered in anxiety. I had a three-day stretch where I couldn’t sleep. As I’ve grown in my faith, and learned to recognize His voice speaking into my life, I am seeing that often He brings clarity and conviction during my sleepless nights. God Is Teaching Me SomethingĪs I’ve reflected on these sleepless seasons, I see that usually God is trying to teach me something. I often think about the people all over the world who are awake in different time zones living their life to somehow provide comfort for myself that I am not the only one awake. I’ve tried all sorts of things: reading, medicine, prayer. They graciously let me stay there free of charge to help deal with my sleep problems.Īnd now, during adulthood, I continue to go through months and seasons of sleepless nights. I even had a season when I slept at a dear friends’ home who were dubbed my “sponsor family” from the church I attended. I would be up all night long, spiraling and filled with tears about how tired I was, just like during childhood. At times, I convinced myself that I couldn’t sleep. We slept in a “cold dorm”-a room full of bunk beds. My dad would always reassure me by saying, “Remember, Amy, your body is resting whether you are asleep or not.” It always brought me such peace.ĭuring my college years, I lived in a sorority house. My mind would spiral through the same thoughts and deep into the night, I would think the same thoughts over and over. I used to wake up my dad, just so that he knew I couldn’t sleep. When I was a little girl, I would listen for the ticking of the clock down in our family room and was convinced that the “tick-tock” sound was keeping me awake, so I would quietly go downstairs and stop the pendulum. For as long as I can remember, I have had sleep problems.
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